Category Archives: Glastonbury Tor

Don’t be tempted by the hamsters at Glastonbury Tor say vets

Local vets have advised visitors to stop stuffing their pockets with the hamsters that are swarming over Glastonbury Tor this year. The huge population of hamsters, known by local breeders as Somerset Stranglers because of the tendency of females to … Continue reading

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Glastonbury Pilgrims Union forced to lift Air Sea Rescue boycott

Famous for their weekly barefoot pilgrimage to the top of Glastonbury Tor, the Pilgrims Union are not so well known for compromising on matters of principle. But this afternoon for the first time since late January when they began their … Continue reading

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Some other pets now allowed to use dog trolleys to climb Glastonbury Tor

A public outcry has followed the recent announcement that Glastonbury Pilgrims Union has donated thirty dog trolleys to enable people to enjoy the tor with their dogs. These trolleys were necessary because the tor has grown by 30 metres in … Continue reading

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Second geophysics scan confirms 42 is Times New Roman

Torsion Bar Dynamics (TBD), the second geophysics company brought in to scan Glastonbury Tor have now completed their scan, with exciting results. TBD were brought in for their second opinion following the discovery on 4th February by Spordfield French Geophys … Continue reading

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Welsh Rarebit deemed non-mystical by the Mystical University of Glastonbury

After an unbroken run of twelve years on the syllabus, lecturers at the food science department of the Mystical University of Glastonbury have decided to stop teaching students about Welsh Rarebit. Despite its name, Welsh Rarebit is a food that … Continue reading

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Glastonbury space program ready for April 2012 launch

Scientists from the aeronautics department of the Mystical University of Glastonbury announced at a packed press briefing today that the launch of their Astral class rocket should be ready two months earlier than was previously expected. The launch will put … Continue reading

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Perky pensioner Percival Angstrom returns to Tor for prestigious Vortex Award

Today OAP Percival Angstrom was welcomed back to Glastonbury Tor at a reception arranged by Chief Gatekeeper Titania Bonham-Smythe. This followed his dramatic airlift in January when he was discovered unconscious in St. Michael’s Tower. Angstrom was presented with a … Continue reading

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Head of Glastonbury Town Council A impaled on St. Michael’s Tower – foul play suspected

Chief Inspector Wilkinson of the Glastonbury constabulary briefed the press this evening about the case of Councillor Gerald Watkins who was found in his office today impaled on a model of St. Michael’s Tower. The tower sits majestically on top … Continue reading

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Fully adjustable scale models of Glastonbury Tor go on sale

The National Trust gift shop at Glastonbury Tor has turned a crisis into an opportunity this week with the release of a new scale model of the tor, delighting visitors. Following GIPN’s announcement in January that the tor has achieved … Continue reading

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Dogs to enjoy Glastonbury Tor more in 2011

Because Glastonbury Tor grew by 30 metres since 2001, many dog owners have expressed concern about the steep slope their pets must now endure when climbing from the National Trust gift shop at the base to St. Michael’s Tower at … Continue reading

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Glastonbury Tor may invert – emergency plans prepared

Scientists have known for some time that every 4.5 billion years the earth’s magnetic polarity reverses, and archaeological records indicate that the next flip is imminent. But the metallurgy department at The Mystical University of Glastonbury have made the surprise … Continue reading

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Toast-making display irritates Glastonbury Observatory

Only days after their complaint about light pollution, Glastonbury Observatory is in the news again as they fight for a clear view of the sky above them. Cosmologist Kirsten Denier from Glastonbury Observatory explained; “St. Michael’s Tower has always been … Continue reading

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Glastonbury Observatory complains of light pollution

Scientists from Glastonbury Observatory are angry about the huge array of lights used by the company responsible for night-time dredging at the controversial Glastonbury Marina. Many visitors to Glastonbury Tor are unaware that the huge telescope is mounted on the … Continue reading

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Geophysicists discover huge 42 on Glastonbury Tor

Geophysicists mapping the surface of Glastonbury Tor have made a discovery that is sure to excite fans of Douglas Adams. The number 42 is clearly visible in their computer generated maps of the tor. Indeed, the number is so big, … Continue reading

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Toast-making display woos tor visitors

A new display Making Toast Through The Ages opened today in St. Michael’s Tower on Glastonbury Tor. This follows the cleanup operation that was necessary following the recent no entry vortex encountered by Percival Angstrom. This fascinating display charts the … Continue reading

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‘Clear the shelves’ gift shop protest

Echoing the spending cut protests at public libraries this week, visitors to the National Trust gift shop at Glastonbury Tor have been buying everything from the shelves faster than staff can restock them. In a peaceful protest spearheaded by the … Continue reading

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Glastonbury Tor disappears from satnavs

Motorists in South West England awoke this morning to the discovery that satellite navigation systems no longer show Glastonbury Tor on the map. This wrecked the travel plans of many people who were planning to visit the tor today on … Continue reading

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Glastonbury Tor might end up Twinchester Mountain

Changes are afoot for the National Trust who may have to reprint thousands of leaflets and guidebooks later this year following the award by GIPN of mountain status for the tor. But today, creating yet more uncertainty about the final … Continue reading

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Glastonbury twin town triangulation confounds Council B

Glastonbury town council A revealed today that it is to twin its half of the town with Twinchester, a decision that has disappointed town council B, whose massive investment in cheese cubes might now seem over-ambitious. Twinchester is an off-the-peg … Continue reading

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Société d’Horticulture de Poitiers in dramatic Glastonbury Horticulture Society takeover

In a surprise move only hours after Glastonbury Horticulture Society announced their bid to buy Glastonbury Tor from the National Trust, Société d’Horticulture de Poitiers announced at a surprise press briefing today that they have agreed to buy a controlling … Continue reading

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