The National Trust gift shop at Glastonbury Tor has turned a crisis into an opportunity this week with the release of a new scale model of the tor, delighting visitors.
Following GIPN’s announcement in January that the tor has achieved mountain status because it grew by 30 metres between 2001 and 2011 the Trust found it had huge stocks of the previous scale model that reflected the old height of 160 metres. These are now available in the bargain bin.
Alarmingly, in the old models the surrounding landscape looked out of scale compared to the current height of the tor. For example, Glastonbury Marina which sits in the shadow of the tor contained tiny models of sailing boats that were looking increasingly disproportionate.
Uther Henge, the chief mystical consultant for the National Trust stationed permanently at their gift shop at Glastonbury Tor explained; “We have always been proud of our scale model. It generates a constant mist that tumbles down the slopes creating a very mystical effect on your mantelpiece, and visitors often comment on the realism of the group of dancers in the famous circle of standing stones. Being solar powered the model fits very well with the ethos of our gift shop.”
Henge continued; “We had a team of scientists working to make this next generation model of Glastonbury Tor meet the ongoing needs of our customers and they have developed an ingenious solution – a small panel allows you to key in the year and a set of hydraulic motors alters the height of the model to be exactly to scale within a thousandth of an inch. You can type in a value up to fifty years in the future, but you should only do this in rooms that have a high ceiling.”
Scientists from Glastonbury Observatory are angry about the huge array of lights used by the company responsible for night-time dredging at the controversial Glastonbury Marina.
Many visitors to Glastonbury Tor are unaware that the huge telescope is mounted on the top floor of St. Michael’s Tower, gazing skyward.
Glastonbury Chakra Boatworks Limited (GCB), the company responsible for the construction of Glastonbury Marina declined to make a formal comment, but we did catch their Chief Executive Jane Mellor today who confirmed that they are well ahead of schedule, and that subject to final planning approval, the marina should be fully excavated next month.
But when he talked to us today, cosmologist Kirsten Denier from Glastonbury Observatory looked dejected; “We have spent the last 23 years mapping the skies above Glastonbury engaged in important research into the effect of distant astral bodies on horoscopes. We have made major scientific breakthroughs. For example, in 2009 we proved conclusively that Sagittarians really do come into some luck when Neptune is in the harmonic ascendant third quadrant. But since they started night-dredging at Glastonbury Marina our discoveries have become few and far between, and the predictions we make in our horoscopes have become terribly inaccurate.”
Local residents are up in arms about the dredging that started on the new Glastonbury Marina this weekend.
The fear is that because this is ahead of final planning permission sign-off by the Glastonbury Planning Committee the town might find itself with a huge lake but no marina.
It’s not all bad though – keen sailor Roger Ginty of Shipton Terrace in Glastonbury has been sitting in his 26 foot yacht this afternoon making sure it’s all shipshape and Bristol fashion. He’s waiting for the new marina to open for business because his craft has been marooned in Glastonbury since 1986 and this will be his big chance to sail back from the marina into the Bristol Channel, along the canal that is to be completed by 2015.