Tag Archives: stuffed animals

Glastonbury Horticultural Society in tor takeover bid

Shrubs that may soon grow on Glastonbury Tor“It’s just so dull at the moment. We envisage a display of variegated shrubs and perennials as far as the eye can see” says Glastonbury Horticultural Society ground-cover technician Oliver Swetherstone, waving his arm across the wide expanse of grass on Glastonbury Tor.

The tor is admittedly rather samey, with swathes of grass broken only by St. Michael’s Tower at the top. It has been this way for as long as anyone can remember. But it seems the Glastonbury Horticultural Society thinks of this as a wasted opportunity, and with financial backing from a consortium of local businesses, it could be that the tenancy currently enjoyed by the National Trust could be replaced by something a lot more colourful.

Swetherstone continued “admittedly the walk from the National Trust gift shop up to the stuffed animals display in the tower is enjoyable, but since they closed St. Michael’s Prison it is no longer important for the guards to have a clear line of sight for their searchlights. This gives us a fabulous opportunity to cover the whole space in displays of exotic shrubbery, and as a result increase the number of visitors ten-fold.”

Uther Henge, the chief mystical consultant for the National Trust stationed permanently at their gift shop at Glastonbury Tor, normally so outspoken in defence of the Trust, was at something of a loss for words; “Since the news last week about the new branch of Tescos I thought things were going to settle down around here, but it seems that was just the first step of a radical change to the tor. I suppose it will be a lot more colourful if the Glastonbury Horticultural Society buyout goes ahead, and a lot of gardeners will be employed maintaining the shrubs. I’m sorry though, this might be an old-fashioned view but horticulture is just not very mystical, is it?”

Old Age Pensioner trapped in No Entry vortex

An Air Sea Rescue helicopter winched OAP Percival Angstrom to safety from the top of Glastonbury Tor this morning after his lifeless body was discovered by National Trust staff.

Chief Gatekeeper at the tor Titania Bonham-Smythe was first on the scene; “It seems that last night when we locked the door to St. Michael’s Tower nobody noticed that Mr. Angstrom was inside inspecting the stuffed animals.  When I walked into the tower today I immediately saw something was wrong because all of the furniture had formed into a jumbled circular pile in the middle of the main hall.  He was there on the floor, almost unconscious.”

Bonham-Smythe soon worked out what was wrong as she rushed back to the door to seek help and was confronted by a new hand painted No Entry sign that had been accidentally placed on the wrong side of the door causing Mister Angstrom to walk around inside the tower seeking an exit at an ever-increasing rate – a common behaviour in the over-seventies.

“Fortunately I had my mobile phone so was able to call a colleague to open the door and free us” said Bonham-Smythe, “we then called Air Sea Rescue and a little while later Angstrom was recovering at Glastonbury Hospital.  Doctors say he should make a full recovery.  It was all terribly exciting!”