Glastonbury Tor

Tag: metal detectors

  • Half of Glastonbury May Receive Extra Purple Recycling Bins

    Research by the Quantum Disentanglement Team at Glastonbury Town Council B‘s waste management service has revealed a new insight into cost savings that can be achieved by adding an extra purple bin to the townsfolk’s current brace of bins.

    Head of the Quantum Disentanglement team Dominic McQualude, explains:

    “Our team was established by Councillor Gerald Watkins before his unfortunate accident to help improve the way we categorise and sort waste in Glastonbury. Councillor Watkins was elected on the promise of enhancing waste managed in the town, and he quickly realised that our waste profile differs significantly from other towns due to our more mystical nature.”

    McQualude continues:

    “Building on our team’s early successes such as using séances to determine the most efficient routes for bin lorries, we discovered that the simple addition of a tenth purple bin would allow us to transition to a bi-weekly collection rota.”

    New bin colours:

    • Brown – Paper and Cardboard
    • Pink – Hard Plastics
    • Orange – Soft Plastics
    • Grey – Metals
    • White – Glass
    • Green – Organic Waste
    • Blue – Electronic Waste
    • Cameron of Erracht Tartan – Textiles
    • Campbell of Argyll Tartan – Bricks and Ceramics
    • Purple – Mystical waste

    Expected items for purple bins:

    • Expended mystical birthstones
    • Metal detectors (a surprisingly large number of these are discarded due to Glastonbury Tor’s solid iron core)
    • Full dream catchers
    • Old druidic cloaks
    • Expired Lembas
    • Demonically possessed items (not exceeding 150 cm in length)

    When asked about future innovations from the Quantum Disentanglement Team, McQualude responded:

    “The main challenge we’re working on is that the Cameron and Campbell tartans are virtually indistinguishable for our fast-moving bin lorries and the people in our sorting teams currently spend most of their time separating mystical clothing from mystical ceramics so we hope the purple bins will put paid to that. To be honest, most of our team’s time is spent counting things and it seems likely that when we’ve optimised mystical waste collection this will no longer be necessary so most of us will be reassigned to other mystical science challenges within the council.”

  • Second geophysics scan confirms 42 is Times New Roman

    Torsion Bar Dynamics (TBD), the second geophysics company brought in to scan Glastonbury Tor have now completed their scan, with exciting results. TBD were brought in for their second opinion following the discovery on 4th February by Spordfield French Geophys Limited of an absolutely huge 42.

    Cynics had dismissed the first scan, assuming it was a simple mistake, such as an imprint from dirty glass on a photocopying machine, with some even suggesting a hoax.

    But the new geophysics scan has gone one stage further, said Barry Spright, chief scanner at TBD; “We performed two scans because we knew there would be close scrutiny of this exciting discovery. The main scan was essentially the same as that performed by Spordfield French earlier this month. We can confirm that the 42 exists, and is non-bold Times New Roman. The second scan was to establish what the 42 might be made from. We discovered that the 42 is actually composed from solid iron, just like the rest of Glastonbury Tor. It shows up on the geophysics scan because it is raised above the level of the regular iron mound that forms the tor by between one and two metres, and therefore protrudes into the subsoil.”

    Visitors to the tor have always known that its solid iron composition makes metal detectors go wild. Sensitive devices can pick up the tor at a range of up to two miles.

    The Time Team declined our request for a comment.