Tag Archives: Glastonbury Pilgrims Union

‘Clear the shelves’ gift shop protest

Playset sales limited to three per customerEchoing the spending cut protests at public libraries this week, visitors to the National Trust gift shop at Glastonbury Tor have been buying everything from the shelves faster than staff can restock them.

In a peaceful protest spearheaded by the Glastonbury Pilgrims Union, hundreds of people have been buying items from the gift shop in response to the recent proposal by Société d’Horticulture de Poitiers to buy the tor from the National Trust and replant the grass with a mixed crop of vines and garlic.

Uther Henge, the top mystical consultant at the National Trust, who is stationed permanently in the gift shop at Glastonbury Tor was brimming with excitement; “People didn’t seem to mind the original plan to replant the tor with variegated shrubs and perennials as far as the eye can see, but the Pilgrims Union in particular were worried that vines would ruin the view out over the plains of Somerset. The double win here is that we had a massive over-stock of Lady Guinevere Lingerie in the gift shop, and have sold over a hundred garments this morning alone.”

The other good news is that the gift shop has sold all of the remaining antique reproduction slop buckets from their prison novelties range that were left over following the closure of St. Michael’s Prison.

Glastonbury Tor disappears from satnavs

Motorists in South West England awoke this morning to the discovery that satellite navigation systems no longer show Glastonbury Tor on the map. This wrecked the travel plans of many people who were planning to visit the tor today on this special day in the ancient mystical calendar.

Today is indeed an important day for the Glastonbury Pilgrims Union as they celebrate the Spring Equinox – the day when the setting sun shines directly through the window in St. Michael’s Tower and onto the main megalith in the famous ring of standing stones on the tor. People from all over the country come to Glastonbury to see the pilgrims perform their ritual barefoot walk up the single path to the top of the tor – a pilgrimage made all the more difficult by the new Keep Off The Grass signs.

Uther Henge, the chief mystical consultant for the National Trust stationed permanently at their gift shop at Glastonbury Tor struggled to shed light on the situation; “Yesterday if you typed the postcode for the tor into your satnav it would bring you straight here, although admittedly if you used a TomTom it would take you round the back of the tor to a service road that doesn’t allow you access to the property. But today as the sun rose the tor disappeared from systems much like Marty disappearing from the photo in Back to the Future. If you want mystical, you have to try this out!”

A spokesman for TelSat Inc., the company responsible for the satellites that hover over British airspace was more forthcoming; “This is just paving the way for Twinchester Mountain. We were contacted by an accountancy firm in Kent yesterday who were able to provide all the proper documentation for the change of name.”