Glastonbury Tor | Pointy thing that is the heart of the Arthurian legend – Page 9 – St. Michael's Tower sits on top of Glastonbury Tor in Somerset, a mystical hill with seven deep terraces in the heart of Summerland Meadows on the Somerset Levels. The myths of the Neolithic labyrinth of tunnels below the tor, running all the way to the Abbey in Glastonbury, haunted by druids and fairies create a sense of magic.

Dogs to enjoy Glastonbury Tor more in 2011
Because Glastonbury Tor grew by 30 metres since 2001, many dog owners have expressed concern about the steep slope their pets must now endure when climbing from the National Trust gift shop at the base to St. Michael’s Tower at the top of the tor.
The Glastonbury Pilgrims Union has stepped in and donated thirty dog trolleys of various sizes that will allow people to still enjoy the tor with their pets, but without tiring them excessively.
Patricia Barnyard of the Glastonbury Dogwalker’s Trust is particularly happy; “This is a typically kind and generous gesture by the Pilgrims Union. The tor has become very steep lately and many dogs struggle to make it all the way to the top. With these trolleys dogs of all kinds can now be led by their owners to the top where they can enjoy the view with everyone else. It is worth noting that the trolleys are available on a first come first served basis, and they are mostly in smaller sizes. You may find a queue if you bring an Alsatian or Doberman for a walk on the tor. There is currently only one trolley that can transport a Great Dane in comfort.”
10 February 2011
Glastonbury Tor may invert – emergency plans prepared
Scientists have known for some time that every 4.5 billion years the earth’s magnetic polarity reverses, and archaeological records indicate that the next flip is imminent.
But the metallurgy department at The Mystical University of Glastonbury have made the surprise discovery that because Glastonbury Tor is made of solid iron, when the next polarity reversal occurs the tor will realign itself, and invert.
They are unsure exactly how long the inversion will take, but best estimates put the speed at somewhere a snail’s pace and a brisk walk.
Concerned for public safety, the university has taken the unprecedented step of issuing a set of emergency plans to the National Trust explaining the action that should be taken to minimize risk. Most of the warnings relate to such things as cordoning off the area until the inversion is complete.
But historians are concerned about the possible increased risk of theft that might result from the proposal to place St. Michael’s Tower on a wheeled platform so that it can be more easily relocated back to the top of the tor after the inversion.
8 February 2011
Toast-making display irritates Glastonbury Observatory
Only days after their complaint about light pollution, Glastonbury Observatory is in the news again as they fight for a clear view of the sky above them.
Cosmologist Kirsten Denier from Glastonbury Observatory explained; “St. Michael\’s Tower has always been a hive of activity, and even before the prison closure in January everyone has managed to coexist in this beautiful mystical space. However, since the Breville toast-making display went live last week it’s been nothing but trouble for us. Smoke from burnt toast has poured into the observatory, and the smoke alarms have been going off and disrupting our astral observations at the most inconvenient times.”
Uther Henge, the top mystical consultant at the National Trust, who leaves his duties at the gift shop twice a day to lead visitors through a presentation Toast, the Tor, Past Present and Future, was keen to placate the observatory; “Nobody predicted how much toast the visitors to the tor would burn. You know the settings on some of the old toasters were frightfully hard to get right, especially if you\’re using the double-insertion method for even browning. We have installed a new extractor fan in the demonstration area, so we hope the smoke from burnt toast will vent away from the observatory in future.”
As a gesture of goodwill Henge delivered a tray of hot lentil tea and toast with lashings of Hobgoblin Marmalade to the cosmologists in the observatory.
7 February 2011
Glastonbury Observatory complains of light pollution
Scientists from Glastonbury Observatory are angry about the huge array of lights used by the company responsible for night-time dredging at the controversial Glastonbury Marina.
Many visitors to Glastonbury Tor are unaware that the huge telescope is mounted on the top floor of St. Michael’s Tower, gazing skyward.
Glastonbury Chakra Boatworks Limited (GCB), the company responsible for the construction of Glastonbury Marina declined to make a formal comment, but we did catch their Chief Executive Jane Mellor today who confirmed that they are well ahead of schedule, and that subject to final planning approval, the marina should be fully excavated next month.
But when he talked to us today, cosmologist Kirsten Denier from Glastonbury Observatory looked dejected; “We have spent the last 23 years mapping the skies above Glastonbury engaged in important research into the effect of distant astral bodies on horoscopes. We have made major scientific breakthroughs. For example, in 2009 we proved conclusively that Sagittarians really do come into some luck when Neptune is in the harmonic ascendant third quadrant. But since they started night-dredging at Glastonbury Marina our discoveries have become few and far between, and the predictions we make in our horoscopes have become terribly inaccurate.”
7 February 2011
Geophysicists discover huge 42 on Glastonbury Tor
Geophysicists mapping the surface of Glastonbury Tor have made a discovery that is sure to excite fans of Douglas Adams. The number 42 is clearly visible in their computer generated maps of the tor. Indeed, the number is so big, stretching over 400 metres, that scientists believe it might be the biggest 42 on earth. It is so big that were it not covered by a layer of grass and earth it might even be visible from jets flying at 20,000 feet.
Speaking to an excited press gathering, the analysts responsible for the discovery, Joseph French and Anthony Spordfield, demonstrated their equipment. The number 42 was clearly visible on their laptop screens, in a serif font reminiscent of Times New Roman.
The pair explained that geophysics is the surveying technique used on the archaeology programme Time Team, enabling them to make decisions about where to dig trenches. Complicated devices such as Fluxgate Gradiometers and Seismic Refractors look below the surface of the earth, detecting the structures within.
The current survey was commissioned by the Glastonbury Archaeology Society with the aim of mapping the network of ancient tunnels that is believed to run through the tor.
But the discovery of the number 42 has brought calls for the proposed replacement of the grass that covers the tor with a mixed crop of vines and garlic to be delayed until a second geophysics scan can verify the precise font that has been used.
4 February 2011